Love is funny
Funny, a good friend of mine just had his relationship ended. Basically, he moved to a new place and it caused them to have long distance…I wouldn’t say it was an official relationship but there was something there…And he fell in love for the first time (I personally don’t think she felt the same and he probably knew that). We had a chat, and basically he was saying that he isn’t gonna fall in lvoe again and if he ever starts to catch feelings he’s gonna back out (you know, the usual vent about how love sucks and they won’t ever fall in love again because it hurts-it’s not like he got cheated on many times. She just couldn’t handle long distance and the time zones). And I of course told him to knock it off, and painted a picture of this is how it is usually. When it ends, it hurts, meaning whatever he felt was real, and he shoulnd’t let one girl ruin the future for him-especially since it was his first. Plus, it wouldn’t be fair for the future women he talks to…right? Am I wrong?
Anyways, it got into a little heated argument. Which he then says
“Okay, but when a stove is hot,right, and you touch it-you get burned. That teaches you not to touch a hot stove again. Same with this situation why should I go back to relationship if I’m gonna get hurt again”
It was a good point, but then i thought of something.
I said, “You’re not wrong, you won’t touch the stone again-but you get burned in other ways. Candle, flat iron, curling iron, candle, fire…etc. You get the same pain, a burn. So what if the stove wasn’t relationships. Whta if a stove was one person, you burn yourself eventually. Don’t touch the hot stove, but you may burn yourself lighting a candle, or those flying sparks from the fire or a curling iron (if your not careful), or even a car exhaust.” And of course, won that argument.
But isn’t that funny, you say all those things about how you’re never going back into a relationship and next thing you know you're doing the same thing with a different person.
But, there are some poeple who take a big break from it. I recently met someone, who I’ve seen around for a long time (went to the same kindergarten), he’s been around. Two years ago, he was the topic of discussions with the girls in my school. From my grade and a year below, he’s all they talk about, and ask about. But, I recently got to know him. Poor guy. Attractive, nice. Horrible texter, probably not a bad person to talk to in real life, but he seems to be scared and lost alot of confidence in a way. He isn’t afraid to text a girl to hook up-but seesm to be shy when it comes to hanging out to know about each other. But all the girls do is float around him because he’s attractive. I know this because his best friend told me since he’s also a very good friend of mine, but also I’ve noticed. He and I always post about the environment, being aware of it. The girls around him post it, when its a trending news topic, or they just don’t. Save the turtles. That’s it. No shame to them, it’s just not their interest, he does all these beach clean ups. They aren’t bothered. Last year, a good friend of mine who also happened to be his good friend was planning on snorkeling at this one spot and make a coral garden-we even took free diving lessons to learn how to stay down for a while just incase-doesn’t hurt to learn a bit more. He wanted to join, but we never ended up doing so because of covid…And that friend left, and i haven’t had the opportunity to do so.
Anyways, back to the whole love thing. He’s always wanted someone, but he got hurt so many times- he rather have one night stand from the same group of girls than keep on trying. And it’s a bit sad in my opinion. I’ve noticed that there are about 5 general groups when it comes to the topic of love: In love, Desperate/seeking for love, scared of love, trouble with love, and neglecting love. And when I say love, I mean in relationships;dating. Not family, that’s whole different situation.
So here are my observations on those 5 groups as a teenager.
In Love: Ah yes, the people in highschool that seemed to always be in a relationship. You just never see them single, probably betting on if they’ll last through college or become highschool sweethearts. Or you wish them the best because breaking up after college will be a chaotic one since you two are the only two people you’ve known. Nothing wrong with that…(maybe a little). They seem to have trouble with being independent. Hear me out, let’s say there was a couple who’ve dated since freshmen year (grade nine), all they’ve known and explored is each other- I mean that’s great, they worked things out when times got rough and they are loyal. But I mean, it’s highschool. Is it just me, or dating the same person all through highschool is just sad, I mean, it’s highscool, you should develope social skills. Because watch that couple still dating till senior year, and college comes around. They would even find colleges in the same country-SAME CITY. If they couldn’t get into the same college…They’ve been dating for what now, 8 years…What happens if they break up. 8 years of knowing the same person. One, it’s going to be very difficult to get on your own feet because you depended on that person for so long. You may not think so…but you did. Getting back back into the dating game is going to be hard, because last time you flirted with someone was in ninth grade…Yeah, by the time your 22+ years old, you don’t flirt like a ninth grader. But, surprisngly some people make it work and find someone new. They just were born to be in relationships, you know? Nothing qrong with that at all, it’s just how they are. But my question for them is, is there any excitement? Or, do they just attract all the good people that want long term relationships? If so, please give me some of that energy.
Then we have desperate for love, or seeking for love. I put them in the same group because they can be similar-if not the same if your not careful. These can be the annoying friend. Harsh, I know. But really, especially in highschool like girl- or dude- really? You’re in highschool, chill out. The people that are desperate in love (in highschool atleast) are usualy the girl/boy crazy kids. And being their friend can be the most toxic or irritating thing ever. Let me tell you why; problems. That’s a big one, they can be toxic as in, they try and hit on all your friends that they think they want to be with. I knew a girl everytime I brought a male friend, she would be where he is in a blink of an eye, and be all over him (worse case scenario, is when you invite your crush and they hit on them and yeah…Ouch, and sometimes they even know it’s your crush…But they still go for it. Or, they would cry over someone they just talk to, because they didn’t want to hang out that night or s/he sees them with another person and take things so personally. Not only do they bring problems, they can be too fast in the relationship. Moving too fast, because they get so excited which causes them to crash or burn. They get so much energy when they see someone they wanna hit on, they can throw you under the bus or totoallly forget about you and become that person that laughs at everything to get thier attention. Or ruin the whole night because all they did was to get the other persons attention, and it’s not in a good way. I find that, when someone is really focused on seeking for love, they forget about themselves, they’ll do anything to make the other person have interest in them and they tend to lose themselves,and when it doens’t work out. They. Are. Devasted. Here’s some evidence. I knew a girl, desperate to find love, and her new friend was also desperate. How I know this, any guy that says a word to them, or holds the door at a party to be polite, or happens sits next to them and hold a converstaion. They fal head over heels, they go on and tell me
“OH.MY.GOD.GIRLLLLL. I think he really likes me!”
And guess what happened for her to think that, partners for an english project…yeah…They had one conversation about the book. And then the other girl goes
“OMG OMG-HE TOTALLY DOES”
While I’m sitting there listenign while I eat my delicious lunch my mom and I packed. Like why do you do this to yourself, then they host an open invite party, sees the person they somehow have feelings for. And waste their night trying to be around them-not talking to them-like standing behind them being unnoticed. And then, if they see that person talk to another person. They get devasted and/or jealous. And either move on, or waste the rest of the year posting on their snapchats to get their attention…yeah..no.
Scared of love: This one is interesting, because this can happen for so many reasons.
One: The person was in a horrible relationship or was in horrible relationships in the past and they are way too frightened and fragile to get back in the game. Even though it’s been years, or that they are surrounded by better people and nothign realted to their horrible ex’s they can have alot of personal issues and it causes them to have a hard time finding or staying in love. Like, trust issues: a big one. And you know what they all say: No trust, No relationship. And, it’s true. Usually, if you’re interetsed in someone that is scared of love, you’re gonna have to take it slow. Because once they are comfortable, and they feel like you aren’t going to hurt them. They can make you the happiest person ever, because they just want to be with you (but be careful, make sure they don’t depend on you too much). You have to take it very slow, and you have to work really hard to show them that you’re not going to hurt them in anyway how their ex’s did.
But, there’s also that person. That got hurt so much, they just don;t want to be in any relationships…Well they do, but at the same they dont. But same conceot, take it slow, be real with them. Take your time to gain their trust, get personal and make them feel comfortable and you might get the key to their hearts.
Trouble with love. OH BOY-This one I can relate very nicely with. Yes, so it may have a bit mroe context, it may seem like a vent and it may be bias? Who knows, I’ll keep it very short. Basically, people who love, love. And who would treat that person so well, and be there for them and support them. But they never find that person they can be with, usually are picky or careful with the type they want to be with…But somehow get’s into a relationship with the complete opposite of who they want to date. And then its hard to keep the relationship, because they end up with people who dont reciprocate and they get hurt…ALOT. Sometimes, these kinds of people have a lot of emotions and they care os much they feel bad for their partner to deal with all of it. So they let them go, to be with someone else (yeah, I do that)…
And last but not least, neglecting love. Usually the people who are so school or career driven, that they are in a great spot finicially. Got what they needed, but is digging for more. But they forget about themselves, really. Lose themselves in their career that they forget about the nice thing in life. Love. And these people usually have a line of people wanting to go out with them, but they simple just press Do Not Disturb on their love life, and then it turns into a rom com, where a career driven women/men found the love of their life in the most unexpected way and they fall in love… After many attemptes and they get scared, and run away and then their lover finds them and they start dating or get married.
Anyways, this is just my opinion and observation so far on what I see around me. And if you’re wondering (probably not, but I’m going to mention it anyways) I fall right into neglecting and scared. Because I don’t think anyone is good for me right now, partly because I’m scared that when I do find someone I’ll strat over thinking. Example, some guy called me cute. My immediate reaction internally was,
“Yeah right…too original”
“Mhm-sure.”
I also like to have those bickering/flirting you know? But that’s not the point. Anyways enjoy, I don’t think I’ll write this much of nonsense…okay may more nonsense but I doubt I’ll write anything similar to this.
